Just a little writing I decided to do tonight. I went to an infant loss support group in Joplin tonight. Wonderful! A lady shared something along this view and I couldn’t get it out of my mind, so I decided to write.
Why do I deserve this?
Why did Taylor die?
Why do bad things happen to good people every day?
If God is so good why does He allow these things to happen?
Why does He allow millions of children in Africa to die of malaria daily?
Why? Why? Why?
Now let’s turn it around a little. What makes me so worthy of the blessing of a child? I mean, who says I’m worthy of having Tyler. I didn’t exactly do anything great and wonderful. As a matter of fact, I’m the furthest from deserving a child. But I am so blessed. I am blessed with a full of life 6 yr old who cracks me up on a daily basis. I am blessed by having known my beautiful little girl for 33 days and knowing that I will see her again for all eternity. I am blessed with this bouncing (on my bladder) baby coming soon. I am blessed with a wonderful husband. I am blessed with a wonderful church. I am blessed with understanding, loving, and forgiving friends. I am blessed.
Here are the lyrics to the song “Count your blessings” by Johnson Oatman, Jr. in 1897.
When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.
When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.
So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.
Contrary to popular belief, the phrase “Count your blessings” isn’t actually in the Bible in those words. The verse this song is based on is Proverbs 10:6 “Blessings crown the head of the righteous.” There are things that have happened in my life that I would probably change given the chance, but if I could change them would my life really be better? Would God still be able to work in my life like He has? I would like to easily answer yes, but the truth is probably not. He does now what’s best. He has a plan and I am just thankful to be a part of it, albeit a small one.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Yep! It's a BOY!!
Well, we had our hospital ultrasound today and confirmed it is most definitely a boy. So here are the latest pics of little Canaan Benjamin. This first one is the first thing we saw when she stuck the wand to my belly. There was NO doubt!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
What's in a name?
Quite a lot, I think. Ok, I'm just gonna get this out of the way right here and now. For quite awhile now, we have said that we would name this baby Tre Benjamin if it was a boy and TresLynne if it was a girl. For 2 reasons, it was a T name and it meant 3. That way Taylor would be included in the naming of this child. Well, 2 Sundays ago at church we had a guest speaker. She mentioned Racheal in her sermon about when she was giving birth to Benjamin. She tried to name him Ben Oni which means "son of my sorrow" because she was died while having him. His father Jacob named him Benjamin "son of my right hand". He knew God was going to do great things with him and didn't want his name to carry a monument of Racheal's sorrow. Well, that hit me. I don't want this child to carry the monument of my sorrow. I'll never forget Taylor. I don't need to name my 3rd child in a way to remind me and everyone else that she was here. When someone asks me how many children I have, I always include her in the number. When someone asks my son or daughter their name, I shouldn't expect them to explain the meaning.
Anyways, now on to the next issue. God did give me another name and I think for good reason. I really don't care what anyone else thinks of the name to be honest with you, but a couple people have very rudely told me how much they hated it. I didn't tell them to get an opinion. Anyways, we will probably name this child Canaan Benjamin. Canaan because we have been through hell and back this year. This is our year (and hopefully longer season) of promise. Ya know, God breaks a person down before he uses them. It's proven time and time again throughout the Bible. I think I've been pretty well broken down this year. Anyways, while reading Genesis a couple weeks ago, I came upon the passage of the Isrealites finally entering Canaan, their promise land after 40 years in the desert being broken down. Canaan is a beautiful (despite some opinions) and I believe very fitting for our child. And if it's a boy Benjamin because that's his daddy's middle name and I love it even though he hates it. If it's a girl, I haven't decided, but I don't think I'll have to worry about that. Anyways, only leave a comment if it's positive. I don't need anymore negativity at this moment, thank you very much!
Anyways, now on to the next issue. God did give me another name and I think for good reason. I really don't care what anyone else thinks of the name to be honest with you, but a couple people have very rudely told me how much they hated it. I didn't tell them to get an opinion. Anyways, we will probably name this child Canaan Benjamin. Canaan because we have been through hell and back this year. This is our year (and hopefully longer season) of promise. Ya know, God breaks a person down before he uses them. It's proven time and time again throughout the Bible. I think I've been pretty well broken down this year. Anyways, while reading Genesis a couple weeks ago, I came upon the passage of the Isrealites finally entering Canaan, their promise land after 40 years in the desert being broken down. Canaan is a beautiful (despite some opinions) and I believe very fitting for our child. And if it's a boy Benjamin because that's his daddy's middle name and I love it even though he hates it. If it's a girl, I haven't decided, but I don't think I'll have to worry about that. Anyways, only leave a comment if it's positive. I don't need anymore negativity at this moment, thank you very much!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
My Ultrasound Scrapbook
A good friend of mine and I scrapbooked last night. Had a good time, got a little bit done. Here's the main thing I got done. A scrapbook for my ultrasound pics. The interior pages are from the 4x6 DCWV Mat Stack. Everything else is from the Little Red Scrapbook Co. October 2007 kit with embellishment and ribbon add-ons. They are a great little kit!! Here's a link if you wanna check them out: http://www.littleredscrapbook.com/
Here's the cover:
Pages 1 & 2
Page 1 - This is where I'll add the dates of each Ultrasound - kind of an index.
Page 2 - Our first peek at our little Peanut
Pages 3 & 4
Page 3 - An envelope for Mommy and Daddy's First Thoughts
Page 4 - Jan 24th Ultrasound - Getting a little bigger
Pages 5 & 6
Page 5 - Most Recent Ultrasound - Very Good Profile
Page 6 - Another hidden journaling pocket
That's all I have so far. When I'm completely done (somewhere around Aug) I'll post the whole thing again. There's lots of hidden journaling on this one. We lost our daughter to SIDS last year, so the feelings we both want to record we don't necessarily want to share. Anywho, hope you enjoyed!
Here's the cover:
Pages 1 & 2
Page 1 - This is where I'll add the dates of each Ultrasound - kind of an index.
Page 2 - Our first peek at our little Peanut
Pages 3 & 4
Page 3 - An envelope for Mommy and Daddy's First Thoughts
Page 4 - Jan 24th Ultrasound - Getting a little bigger
Pages 5 & 6
Page 5 - Most Recent Ultrasound - Very Good Profile
Page 6 - Another hidden journaling pocket
That's all I have so far. When I'm completely done (somewhere around Aug) I'll post the whole thing again. There's lots of hidden journaling on this one. We lost our daughter to SIDS last year, so the feelings we both want to record we don't necessarily want to share. Anywho, hope you enjoyed!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Absolute Sweetness!!
Introducing
Noah Ray Henderson
March 7th, 2008
12:40pm (approx)
7lbs. 1oz. ~ 21in
My sister Melissa is now a Mommy. I absolutely cannot believe it!! Noah is so handsome, pure perfection. I posted a lot more pics on MySpace in the Baby Noah folder. I'm just speechless which is kinda hard to do. So, I'll leave you with just one more precious pic of Lissa looking with undying love at her precious baby boy. Love you Sissy!!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The Baby....
Here are the past ultrasound pictures! I finally got a scanner so I can add them. Next Thursday March 13th is the big Hospital ultrasound. We should be able to determine the sex then. I'm so excited to find out. I really don't care, but I want to know. Well, here they are.
This one is the first, confirming pregnancy.
Now, I'll just leave you with this verse: Hosea 1:6. "and she conceived again and gave birth to a daughter". A couple Sundays ago, Pastor shared with us how his daughter-in-law had just miscarried. She was due on August 2nd as well. According to man, she should have died with all the blood she lost, but God had bigger plans. She miraculously recovered. Thank you Jesus! As she was in recovery Pastor said she was given this verse. She too has a son. (Aren't boys just all rotten?!) She too would love to have a daughter. I pray God blesses her with one this next time. I tried to be selfish I guess. I wanted to believe that that verse was given to me as well. But ya know, I think I was just jealous. All I pray for is a healthy baby, one to have and hold for quite awhile. And, well if this one is a girl, then BONUS!!! But, ya know, the more I think about it....my boys do a pretty good job at spoiling me already. What could be better than one more?
This one is the first, confirming pregnancy.
December 27th, 2008 ~ 8 weeks, 4 days
Now for the second Dr.'s visit. Not such a good picture, but a look none the less.
January 27th, 2008 ~ 12 weeks, 5 days
And now the latest.
February 24th, 2008 ~ 17 weeks, 5 days
Last but not least, also taken on February 24th, my favorite! A really good profile.
Now, I'll just leave you with this verse: Hosea 1:6. "and she conceived again and gave birth to a daughter". A couple Sundays ago, Pastor shared with us how his daughter-in-law had just miscarried. She was due on August 2nd as well. According to man, she should have died with all the blood she lost, but God had bigger plans. She miraculously recovered. Thank you Jesus! As she was in recovery Pastor said she was given this verse. She too has a son. (Aren't boys just all rotten?!) She too would love to have a daughter. I pray God blesses her with one this next time. I tried to be selfish I guess. I wanted to believe that that verse was given to me as well. But ya know, I think I was just jealous. All I pray for is a healthy baby, one to have and hold for quite awhile. And, well if this one is a girl, then BONUS!!! But, ya know, the more I think about it....my boys do a pretty good job at spoiling me already. What could be better than one more?
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Today's been well,
weird. I dunno. I just couldn't really get going. I did go eat at El Cavario's tonight! Yumm-O! I love that place. And on Wednesday's kids eat FREE! Can't beat that. We went early so we could make it to church and Royal Rangers, but that didn't work out either. My sissy went to the Hospital tonight, and to make a long story short, she's back home with no baby yet. But, hopefully any day now..... I'm so ready for him to be here!!! I can't wait to hold and spoil him!
On another note, Tyler's school has been celebrating Dr. Suess's birthday this week. He wore some crazy socks today! Aren't they cute!!
Oh, and here's one more (for good measure and stuff) of him reading with one of his buddies Eli in the classroom. They've been laying on floor and reading all week. I just love Dr. Suess! Well, more tomorrow!
On another note, Tyler's school has been celebrating Dr. Suess's birthday this week. He wore some crazy socks today! Aren't they cute!!
Oh, and here's one more (for good measure and stuff) of him reading with one of his buddies Eli in the classroom. They've been laying on floor and reading all week. I just love Dr. Suess! Well, more tomorrow!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Whose Reality??
"My life sucks!"
"The Dr. said he's gonna die..."
"She is soooooo far off the deep end."
Ok, so I know you've said at least one of these things lately. But I want you to step back and look at that situation again. Are you looking at your reality, your friends reality, your loved one's reality? Or, are you looking straight up in the Heavens and seeing God's reality???? You know so many times, we sit and complain about whats happening, or we pray and pray and pray and feel like God's not even listening. But we have to stop and put our trust and faith in the Lord. His reality is what matters. His reality is eternal. And we can't see it!! That's what faith is all about, trusting God that everything will "work for the better for those that know the Lord." It still may not work out the way WE want it to, but it WILL work out how God wants it to. And trust me, when it works out the way God wants it to, it touches more people for His kingdom. Let me give you an example from my own life. When Taylor died, I could have sat and been mad at God. I could've said "God, I'm your child! Why are you doing this to me?" But I didn't and I don't. Yes, God could have given her the breath of life back as she lay on that ER room gurney, but He didn't. Her single, 33 day old life has touched hundreds of people and will continue to. God has taught me to rely soley on Him, to look to Him and Him alone for comfort and joy. I don't think I would've ever totally grasped that otherwise. The reality is our lives here on this earth are short, so short. I know that in the blink of an eye, I'll be dancing in Heaven!! And Taylor will be there. And ya know, I'm still uncertain in Tyler will be. I don't know what life will bring his way. I'm praying for him constantly though. But, I DO KNOW Taylor will be there. That is comfort. So, you may have a friend, a sister, a granddaughter that is lost. You may have been praying for that person day in and day out for what seems like forever now. Don't give up just because our reality shows that loved one slipping into partying, drugs, alcohol, or whatever. Let me tell you, God is still working on that heart. He doesn't give up. He will be faithful. The question is, will you? Will you look with your own eyes at reality? Or will you look with faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ at the eternal reality?
"The Dr. said he's gonna die..."
"She is soooooo far off the deep end."
Ok, so I know you've said at least one of these things lately. But I want you to step back and look at that situation again. Are you looking at your reality, your friends reality, your loved one's reality? Or, are you looking straight up in the Heavens and seeing God's reality???? You know so many times, we sit and complain about whats happening, or we pray and pray and pray and feel like God's not even listening. But we have to stop and put our trust and faith in the Lord. His reality is what matters. His reality is eternal. And we can't see it!! That's what faith is all about, trusting God that everything will "work for the better for those that know the Lord." It still may not work out the way WE want it to, but it WILL work out how God wants it to. And trust me, when it works out the way God wants it to, it touches more people for His kingdom. Let me give you an example from my own life. When Taylor died, I could have sat and been mad at God. I could've said "God, I'm your child! Why are you doing this to me?" But I didn't and I don't. Yes, God could have given her the breath of life back as she lay on that ER room gurney, but He didn't. Her single, 33 day old life has touched hundreds of people and will continue to. God has taught me to rely soley on Him, to look to Him and Him alone for comfort and joy. I don't think I would've ever totally grasped that otherwise. The reality is our lives here on this earth are short, so short. I know that in the blink of an eye, I'll be dancing in Heaven!! And Taylor will be there. And ya know, I'm still uncertain in Tyler will be. I don't know what life will bring his way. I'm praying for him constantly though. But, I DO KNOW Taylor will be there. That is comfort. So, you may have a friend, a sister, a granddaughter that is lost. You may have been praying for that person day in and day out for what seems like forever now. Don't give up just because our reality shows that loved one slipping into partying, drugs, alcohol, or whatever. Let me tell you, God is still working on that heart. He doesn't give up. He will be faithful. The question is, will you? Will you look with your own eyes at reality? Or will you look with faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ at the eternal reality?
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